Dankdadd's game Reviews on Newgrounds

[Kermit Kombat]

Old Newgrounds gold right here.

I can't believe Kermit was fucking his girlfriend. I'd get pissed off too, but how could you defeat such a powerful frog? Truly this was a battle for the ages, an unstoppable force placed against an immovable object.

In all seriousness, it was okay. The animation left a lot to be desired, but the meme quality of Kermit is hard to beat. It kinda pissed me off that it has the "to be continued" thing. Some parts with the music were just plain cringey too. Still, overall I enjoyed it as a joke.

[Funkey Town (finished)]

Nearly the same as the first, so nearly the same review:

Nowhere near as good as your previous works, the music was non existent, and the comedy is completely different. It really only had two more jokes that the first game. The school one made me chuckle, but the robot mayor made no sense (not that it was supposed to but still.) Honestly I'm rather disappointed.

[Xiao Xiao No. 2]

Pretty amazing animation, but the game play is very minimal, not bad by an means, but there is really only one button to press at a pretty big range of reaction time.

Now I didn't take off any points for this, but the language is very obviously not English, and this, I imagine, is a problem for many people. If not for the description I'd have no idea what it wanted me to do. The worst of it was I wasn't sure which button was continue or replay. Doesn't really take away from the game though.

[Adventures OF Crack-Head]

It felt a little empty, some music would help with that. Not your best submission. although it did have some pretty decent puzzle aspects, not all choices were important. Most things just led to dead ends, I do wish there was some variety in the way you could end up.

[Big Stick Killer]

Technically there are a few more than 6 different stick deaths. And while this is just a "kill x game" it had some pretty decent animation and the music kept it flowing nicely.

[Preparing for the SAT .1b]

So that was terrible. I mean I get it was a joke, but I feel like it could've been a much better joke. It doesn't help that the formatting and art is generally unpleasant to look at either.

[Malapa's Challenge]

"Just your friendly neighborhood bondage man."

This was fun, and kinda funny in a way. Definitely stood out amongst the other games of 2001. I have no idea why you decided to dress him up like that though. I have to admit, it does make for some fun jokes, but the rest of the game is kinda serious so why?

As the description says, there are plenty of great attributes to this game: startup min games, several enemy types, many unique skills, and a few stages with puzzles. None of these were particularly amazing, but the quantity of game play is astonishing for old flash. And especially incorporating them all together.

That aside, your one main flaw was repetition. The game feels as if you're doing the same thing over and over again. Now it gives a sense of progress with the gaining of abilities and leveling up, but you do mostly the same fight over and over. This could be fixed by having some more damage types, and stat moves. And more importantly lowering the spawn rate. Now you didn't have much to base this off of, so I'll give you a pass on being one of the first alongside Absalom and Castonia.

Now the story. I wasn't really sure about it at first, it seems a little unfinished. It didn't really make much sense, but it seemed to be going for a more god-like theme. I feel like much more in game explanation is needed. However I did like the line from Ares about why the gods were coming back, and how they were praised.

For the art, I feel like it was a little inconsistent at times, but in general I liked it. Much better than ms paint that's for certain.

Something that I especially enjoyed was the password system that only a few games of the time, put in enough time to necessitate and properly create one.

Overall, you put in a real effort, and I can appreciate that, but that only goes so far with all the clear flaws in your work. With a little balancing and polishing it'd be a whole lot better.

Good job Septimus.

[How da bitch stole Xmas!!]

I'll never be certain of why the anomaly of you getting decent scores on all your low effort shit posts stays true. I don't know how you were able to do nothing and get applauded for it, then continue to claim yourself as king of the portal. But you did, so good job.

I'm doing all the games, and each time I see yours I get a little ticked off. (maybe that's a clock pun.)

StrawberryClock responds:

Cool

[General, Stick Suicide]

"Okay men, let's go to these clearly dangerous areas that bring no significant gains to our side of the war."

So it's just a choose and die thing, mountain one could've been avoided if they just shot the cat. I liked the interface though.

[Fat Lady vs Doughnuts]

Simple time based gadget thingy, not amazing, but it works.